Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
