i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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