next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Success! We fucked roommates!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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