he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
