The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
