So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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