Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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