You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
