I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
