the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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