What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
