Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
