Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
