i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
third nipple confirmed
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
