Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
