so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
