Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
