so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
