Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
