she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
