We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
