I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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