1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
