she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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