Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
