butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
