we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
