But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
