Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
