in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
