So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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