ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
