I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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