Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
