My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
