The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
