dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ttyl tear gas
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
