so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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