I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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