It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
