Will you blow on my dice?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
