At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
