in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
