First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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