Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
