you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
