the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
