Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
