I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
