i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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